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Staying Positive When You Constantly Feel Alone

Introduction

I apologize for being absent on Monday, I have been rebuilding my life (slow as molasses) and I guess things come up. Everything has been such a mess, I am trying to fix my car so I can file papers for VISITATION of one of my kids and seriously, we fixed everything and someone apparently cut up my floor board and there is a hole in the fuel pump assembly. I am going to assume that nobody ever sat in the back, because I had my son in the back and than all of a sudden it breaks. They should have let me know. BUT ALSO, it looks like someone took a key and perfectly keyed both sides of my car. I don’t even know anymore.

I am super grateful that someone was to take the time to figure out what was going on with my car. Part of this post will go over gratitude (or you can Click Here to Check Out the Worksheets). A huge positive in this situation is I have learned a whole lot about cars. I remember the few things I was taught before Papa died and I remember he said to never get under a car without a jack and he used cardboard if a car was leaking oil. ALSO, the whole garage was for working on cars. I sure miss him,

Maybe you can consider this an add on to The Breakup Post I Posted or The Power of Positive Self-Talk – All of these are helpful.


Why I Wrote This

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Initially, I was going to write a post about grief, because I am overdue for a post like this one. But, I spent my Halloween upset for a variety of reasons. I miss my daughters is like number one, and I was so grateful I got to see my son, and I wish it could have lasted longer. I guess the other issues, that aren’t really as big of a deal as me missing my daughters, are pretty ridiculous.

The biggest advice that I am taking, from now on is: If someone disrespects you once, don’t even give them another chance to disrespect you. It wasn’t necessarily this one person, I just want to know why some things aren’t disrespectful because it’s me? Because I don’t say anything? Or what? I have spent my whole entire life being disrespected, at least most of it. & I can’t ever think of a time that a man was all around respectful. It’s kind of sad, but it makes me realize that I should have just kept it at nope.

Plus, there is people who are playing with my emotions; and I am not getting into specifics, but this is my blog and I was having a rough time. I was literally falling apart for like 3-4 days and nobody even really noticed. I think one time someone asked me if I was okay, and it’s because I couldn’t get out of my head. Just because I don’t say anything, doesn’t mean I don’t feel some type of way about shit. If it would be disrespectful to anyone else on the planet, than I am included in that. Or of course, there is the people who pretend that they did things for “good” reasons. So frustrating.

So in light of sitting in my car a second Halloween in a row totally crying, I did use AI to assist me with this blog post (sources are at the bottom). The sources are really helpful, and if you see this symbol: it is something I attempt to practice every single day. It really does help a lot.

Just because something helps, doesn’t mean that there isn’t days that are hard. Today, a ring that was really important to me came up. Don’t get me wrong, it is still important to me, but I lost some of those feelings I had. I still love that person, but I realize that he put me through a lot of things that were unnecessary. But no matter what, it is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen and it was given to me to pass along to one of my daughters when she turns 18, so it reminds me of what’s important: my kids. It’s also the nicest thing any man ever did for me, which is sad. People make a lot of assumptions about me, I hear it all the time. I am not easy at all, I don’t like opening up in that way and it’s also because I just know when someone is lying to me and that doesn’t mix when you’re “vulnerable;” and I’m friendly, not flirty. People always take it the wrong way, but I’ve never made the first move except for maybe one time in my life (not including with my ex).

So I am sort of rambling, but it just got me thinking because I am 30 years old and I’ve had 2 serious relationships my whole life. Sometimes I feel broken because I don’t look at people and think, “Damn, he’s fine.” But it’s also like, to not ever be respected really, is annoying. And it dates back to when I had my “middle school boyfriend.” I wish I could have listened to the adults in my life, because now I am an adult and I do not feel worthy of anything sometimes. When you spend majority of your life being told your job isn’t good enough, and nothing you do is good enough, your feelings being put on the back burner because you go with the flow, people promising to do stuff and than just flaking out without even letting you know (and I am not talking about 1 or 2 people, it’s much more) it takes time to reverse these behaviors.

Let me know what you think about this post in the comments, and I will be posting more posts!


Understanding the root of loneliness

Loneliness is a complex emotion that can arise from a variety of internal and external factors.1 Internal factors such as shyness, low self-esteem, and negative thought patterns can contribute to feelings of isolation and disconnection. External factors such as living alone, lack of social support, and physical distance from loved ones can also lead to loneliness. Social factors such as job loss, relationship breakdowns, and other life transitions can further exacerbate feelings of loneliness. Understanding the root of loneliness is the first step in developing strategies to combat it.

One way to combat loneliness is to focus on positive thoughts and attitudes in social relationships2. Expecting the best instead of anticipating rejection can help to shift one’s mindset and promote more positive interactions. Additionally, engaging in activities that connect individuals with nature or volunteering for a cause they care about can also foster feelings of purpose and meaning3. Distracting oneself with hobbies or interests can also help to alleviate feelings of loneliness and promote a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment4.

Writing down one’s thoughts and emotions can be a helpful tool in processing and understanding feelings of loneliness56. Seeking therapy can also be a valuable resource for individuals struggling with loneliness, particularly if it stems from underlying mental health conditions7. Building connections with others through peer support groups or making new connections can also help to combat feelings of loneliness8(1). By addressing internal, external, and social factors that contribute to loneliness, individuals can develop strategies to stay positive and connected even in times of isolation.


Coping mechanisms to combat loneliness

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One effective way to combat loneliness is by building a support system9. This can include seeking help from a therapist or counselor, as well as reaching out to family and friends for support. Having someone to talk to and share experiences with can help alleviate feelings of isolation and provide a sense of belonging. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help and that there are people who care and want to support you(8).

Engaging in social activities can also be a helpful coping mechanism for loneliness10. This can involve joining a local group or club that aligns with your interests, attending community events, or volunteering. Participating in social activities provides opportunities to meet new people and form connections with others who share similar interests and values(5). It’s important to remember that building relationships takes time and effort, so be patient and persistent in your efforts to connect with others.

Developing a hobby or skill can also be an effective way to combat loneliness(4). Engaging in activities that you enjoy can provide a sense of purpose and meaning, as well as a distraction from negative thoughts and feelings11. Additionally, pursuing a hobby or skill can provide opportunities to meet new people and form connections with others who share similar interests(4). It’s important to explore different options and find something that resonates with you, as this will increase the likelihood of sticking with it and reaping the benefits12.


Strategies to maintain a positive outlook

Practicing gratitude and mindfulness can be powerful tools to maintain a positive outlook when feeling alone13. Mindfulness involves bringing one’s attention to the present moment, fostering a sense of calm, clarity, and focus. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can become more aware of their thoughts and 14emotions, allowing them to respond to difficult situations with greater resilience and sensitivity. Gratitude practices, such as keeping a gratitude journal or writing notes of appreciation, can also help individuals focus on the positive aspects of their life, fostering a greater sense of well-being and connection to others15. Additionally, loving-kindness meditation has been found to reduce loneliness, making it an effective strategy for those struggling with feelings of isolation16.

Seeking professional help is another strategy that can help individuals maintain a positive outlook when feeling alone. Mental health professionals can provide support, guidance, and tools to help individuals cope with difficult emotions and improve their overall well-being. Therapy, support groups, and counseling services can be effective resources for individuals struggling with loneliness and other mental health issues. These professionals can help individuals develop coping strategies, set goals, and work towards personal growth and self-improvement.

Focusing on personal growth and self-care is another effective strategy for maintaining a positive outlook when feeling alone. This can involve engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment, such as hobbies, exercise, or creative pursuits(10). Additionally, practicing self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in stress-reducing activities, can help individuals feel more energized, motivated, and positive17. Journaling can also be a helpful tool for processing emotions and gaining insight into one’s thoughts and feelings18. Finally, reaching out to old friends or making new connections can help alleviate feelings of loneliness and foster a sense of community and support(8)(5)19.


Tips And Best Practices

**Cultivate self-compassion** – Be kind and understanding to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion and care you would offer to a friend. Acknowledge that feeling alone is a normal human experience and that it doesn’t reflect your worth or value as a person. Practice self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, such as taking a walk in nature, reading a good book, or engaging in a hobby you enjoy.

**Seek support from others** – Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can provide understanding and empathy. Share your feelings of loneliness and ask for their support. Sometimes, simply talking about your emotions with someone who listens can help alleviate the sense of isolation. Look for online communities or forums where you can connect with people who share similar experiences or interests.

**Engage in meaningful activities** – Find activities that bring you joy and a sense of purpose. Engaging in hobbies, volunteering, or pursuing personal goals can help shift your focus away from loneliness and provide a sense of fulfillment. For example, joining a club or organization related to your interests can introduce you to like-minded individuals and create opportunities for connection.

**Practice gratitude** – Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. This practice can help shift your perspective and bring attention to the positive aspects of your life. Write down three things you are grateful for each day, whether it’s a simple pleasure like a warm cup of tea or a supportive phone call from a loved one. Over time, this habit can foster a more positive mindset.

**Focus on self-growth and personal development** – Use moments of solitude to invest in your personal growth. Explore new interests, learn new skills, or set goals that align with your values and aspirations. This can help you build confidence and create a sense of purpose that extends beyond the feeling of loneliness. Consider taking courses, reading self-help books, or working with a therapist to deepen your understanding of yourself and develop strategies to cope with loneliness. Remember, it’s important to be patient with yourself and understand that overcoming feelings of loneliness may take time. By implementing these tips and practices consistently, you can gradually shift your mindset and cultivate a more positive outlook even when you feel alone.


Sources

  1. Loneliness and Social Isolation www.helpguide.org ↩︎
  2. Loneliness: Causes and Health Consequences www.verywellmind.com ↩︎
  3. Eight Ways to Ease the Pain of Loneliness www.helpguide.org ↩︎
  4. I Feel Lonely: 8 Easy Ways to Deal with Loneliness www..helpguide.org ↩︎
  5. 13 Ways to Not Feel Lonely Even When You’re Alone www.healthline.com ↩︎
  6. 11 Things to do If You’re Feeling Lonely au.reachout.com ↩︎
  7. 7 Ways to Get Help When You Feel Alone bestdaypsych.com/7-ways-to-get-help-when-you-feel-alone ↩︎
  8. Tips to Manage loneliness www.mind.org.uk ↩︎
  9. What does a person do when they are alone, lonely, and, …… www.quora.com ↩︎
  10. 10 Things to Do if You’re Feeling Alone www.verywellmind.com/things-to-do-if-you-feel-lonely-5081371 ↩︎
  11. A Beginner’s Guide to Being Happy Alone www.healthline.com/health/how-to-be-happy-alone ↩︎
  12. Can a hobby help in depression and loneliness? If So….. www.quora.com ↩︎
  13. Mindfulness and Gratitude: Why and How They Should Pair psychcentral.com ↩︎
  14. How to Practice Gratitude www.mindful.org/an-introduction-to-mindful-gratitude ↩︎
  15. Gratitude: The Benefits and How to Practice It www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/gratitude.htm ↩︎
  16. 11 Things to Do When You Feel Lonely greatgood.berkley.edu ↩︎
  17. How to Cope With Loneliness: 9 Strategies to Try www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-loneliness-3144939 ↩︎
  18. How to Cope with Feeling Lonely and Depressed www.priorygroup.com ↩︎
  19. How to Stop Feeling Lonely: 10 Tips psychcentral.com/health/stop-feeling-lonely ↩︎

**All of these sources were retrieved on October 31, 2023

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