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why kids need both parents

Why Kids Need Both of Their Parents

& Toxic Norms That Need to Stop

You would think this would be common sense, but it sadly isn’t. It’s actually more of a norm for a parent to say “Screw you, you’re never seeing our baby again. With all three of my kids there was always people telling me “Well don’t let them see the kid anymore.” And I could never do that to my kids. It’s not even about me, its about the kids. And that is why I thought a guardianship would be better because I was homeless. But I’ll admit I’ve had issues coping with it (I am still having issues. Just being honest about it). I won’t get into too many details but long story short my oldest daughter, MY family got a restraining order on me based on lies. I was legit homeless and struggling and went to my ex’s, and they know calling the cops pisses my ex off. So that’s exactly what they did, and put the wrong court date on my papers. Like I could care less about talking to these two adults (Sure, I miss them but they went super far to screw with me) but to involve my daughter and claim to be scared when I had a flip phone so I wasn’t texting anyone like crazy, I was 3 hours away with no home, no car, no job, no nothing. It’s something I get super angry about once I start talking about it. SO YOU GET IT, and than my other daughter is living super far away from me. My heart just hearts. A lot.

Now I am so blessed because I get to have my son in my life and he’s giving me motivation, it’s just really hard to file court papers without a stable home (I’m currently at a hotel but I was advised not to) so it really feels hopeless sometimes. But then I get to see my son and he is always happy to see me and I cherish the time we have together. Although I wish I could have just stayed the “perfect mom” I was, everything does happen for a reason because I learned a lot of stuff in rehab. I had no coping skills; and I realized the family that is doing all of this is extremely toxic. and I will never let anyone manipulate me the way they did, I really thought my manager job at Macy’s wasn’t good enough because I was told it wasn’t a real job. So what is a real job?

why kids need both parents

So first I am going to go over some facts. You can learn this in any parenting class (and I learned a lot in mine). If maybe you’re going through a break up – read This Post about Breaking Up First or read the Power of Positive Self-Talk. These are valuable tools that I learned in rehab and I will teach my kids these tools so they don’t end up like me, struggling to cope until 30 years old.

1. Emotional Stability and Support

Children thrive when they have emotional stability and support from both parents. Each parent brings a unique set of qualities and experiences that contribute to the child’s emotional development. The presence of both parents allows the child to receive diverse perspectives, guidance, and unconditional love, providing them with a sense of security and belonging.

2. Role Modeling and Identity Formation

Parents play a crucial role in shaping a child’s identity and values. When both parents are actively involved, children have the opportunity to observe and learn from the positive traits and behaviors of both mom and dad. This diverse influence helps children develop a well-rounded understanding of themselves and the world around them. It also enables them to build a strong sense of identity and establish their own values and beliefs.

3. Enhanced Social Skills and Interpersonal Relationships

Having both parents involved in a child’s life helps them develop stronger social skills and healthy relationships. Children learn important social cues, communication techniques, and conflict resolution skills by observing and interacting with both parents. They understand the value of compromise, empathy, and respect, which are essential qualities for building and maintaining healthy relationships throughout their lives.

4. Intellectual and Educational Advancement

Parents play a significant role in a child’s educational journey. When both parents are actively involved, they can provide academic support, encourage intellectual curiosity, and foster a love for learning. Research shows that children with the involvement of both parents tend to perform better academically and exhibit higher levels of motivation and ambition in their studies.

5. Improved Physical and Mental Health

Children who have the consistent presence of both parents in their lives tend to have improved overall physical and mental health. Regular contact and engagement with both parents contribute to a stable and nurturing environment, reducing the risk of developing emotional or behavioral issues. The combined support and care from both parents provide a strong foundation for the child’s well-being.

6. Building Resilience and Coping Skills

Life is full of challenges, and children need to develop resilience and strong coping skills. With both parents involved, children have access to different coping strategies and support systems. They learn to handle stress, adapt to changes, and overcome obstacles effectively. This resilience-building experience prepares children for future adversities and helps them grow into confident and resilient individuals.

And your kids shouldn’t have to always agree with you on everything. I would make my oldest laugher text the family that did all this to me on every Holiday because whether I like them or not, I know that she loves me. That’s one reason it hurts so bad because I know she misses me, but I also know that she loves them regardless of what I have going on; which brings us to the second part of this blog posts – something everyone needs to read.

Unhealthy Parenting Practices That Need to Stop in This Generation

Parenting plays a critical role in shaping the growth and development of children. However, in this generation, there are certain toxic and unhealthy practices that parents engage in, often unknowingly, which can have detrimental effects on the well-being of their children. It is essential to recognize and address these harmful behaviors for the sake of our children’s future. Here are some toxic parenting practices that need to stop:

  1. Excessive Control and Micromanagement: Over-controlling parents who constantly monitor every aspect of their child’s life can hinder their independence and autonomy. Children need the freedom to make their own choices, learn from their mistakes, and develop problem-solving skills. Parents should provide guidance and support, but also allow their children to grow and explore their individuality.
  2. Emotional Neglect: Emotional neglect occurs when parents fail to meet their child’s emotional needs. This can include dismissing their feelings, invalidating their experiences, or neglecting to provide emotional support. Children require a nurturing environment where they feel heard, understood, and loved. Emotional neglect can lead to long-lasting emotional and psychological distress in children.
  3. Overemphasis on Achievement: Pressuring children to excel academically or in extracurricular activities without considering their own interests and passions can lead to excessive stress and burnout. It is important to encourage a balance between achievement and personal well-being. Allow your child to explore different activities and discover their own unique talents and aspirations.
  4. Comparisons and Unhealthy Competition: Constantly comparing children to their siblings, peers, or societal standards can damage their self-esteem and mental well-being. Each child is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Instead of fostering competition, create an environment that celebrates individuality and encourages collaboration.
  5. Lack of Boundaries: Parents who fail to establish clear boundaries often contribute to confusion and a lack of structure in their children’s lives. Boundaries help children develop a sense of safety, security, and responsibility. Establishing reasonable limits and consistently enforcing them helps children understand expectations and develop self-discipline.
  6. Verbal or Physical Abuse: Any form of abuse, whether physical or verbal, is completely unacceptable and can cause long-term emotional and psychological trauma to children. Parents must promote a nurturing and nonviolent environment where children feel safe, respected, and protected.
  7. Neglecting Self-Care: Parenting can be demanding, but neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, stress, and a strained parent-child relationship. It is crucial for parents to prioritize their own physical and mental well-being, seeking support and taking time for themselves. When parents care for themselves, they are better equipped to care for their children.
  8. Inconsistent Discipline: Inconsistency in discipline can confuse children and undermine their understanding of boundaries and consequences. Clear and consistent discipline helps children understand expectations and promotes their sense of security and self-discipline.
  9. Digital Neglect or Overexposure: Parents need to find a balance between digital neglect and overexposure. Neglecting to monitor a child’s online activities can expose them to potential risks, while excessive digital control can hinder their social and cognitive development. It is important to establish healthy guidelines and provide guidance on responsible digital usage.
  10. Failure to Foster Open Communication: Lack of open communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a strained parent-child relationship. Parents should create a safe space for children to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment. Open dialogue strengthens the parent-child bond and builds trust.

my 3 amazing kids

Now that you’ve read this, do you recognize some things you maybe do? And see I used to, but i just don’t want any of my kids to go through everything I did and that is one part that kills me about my oldest daughter i am sorry if this bums anyone out; every week on Sundays I try to get a little bit personal with all of you. Whether is sharing what I learned in rehab and reminding myself to use my tools. Which by the way, I made Support Groups; so if you’re struggling or think I left something out – you can always post it there so everyone will see it. Every since I’ve had my kids I’ve been fighting these ridiculous battles when we can all love the kids and all their teaching her crap – literally how to be toxic. They are guilty of allof the things on the list – ESPECIALLY communication. It’s been hard and I sometimes wonder how I’ve made it through the day. but I am here another day and it has to be for a reason.

I did get into my iCloud and got some of my old pictures back and it got me super emotional as well. Also it was my oldest daughters Birthday three days ago and I’ve been in a funk ever since. One of the people texted me first thing that day “I’m thinking of you” and I just took that as rubbing in my face and I didn’t go off on her I jut barely response because I am so done. She was with me her whole life and before this they talk about practically raising her, but I spent so much time alone and nobody ever acknowledges what I did do. Literally never, and these days other people’s opinion’s don’t define me, but it does hurt when people you love make you out to be a total piece of shit and something you are not.

So I am going to end this post with a motivational quote that could help any parent struggling, if it’s similar to mine or if it’s not. And I will be back tomorrow with one of my follow ups. It’s Sunday Funday So I can spend all day blogging!

It’s not the job of the child to protect the Mother. It’s the Mother’s job to protect the child. By allowing your mother to protect you, you gave her a gift.

-Kristin cashore

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